Hope Virgo on eating disorders and navigating Christmas
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By Hope Virgo, Author and Mental Health Campaigner
Christmas for people with eating disorders can feel like a total minefield at times! There I said it!
And whilst we need to be mindful that we don’t predict the worst, we do need to be mindful of what may or may not work for us.
Growing up I had phases where I loved Christmas, phases when I found it quite overwhelming to completely hating the day. I developed anorexia when I was around thirteen years old and from this moment it became something even more terrifying. I was suddenly hyper aware of the food on the day, the conversations around portions and the comparisons with what others were eating.
Even as I began my recovery, it felt hard and it became a day where I felt constantly watched; where I was doing what I could to avoid the meals. I was in this conflict zone where I would want to eat to make others happy, but at the same time still wanting to let people know I wasn’t one hundred percent okay.
The reality is, even with what at times felt like the best-laid plans, there were times when it would come to a head. Someone would change a last minute plan and it would get too much for me. The thing about recovery from an eating disorder is that it isn’t always linear and for some people this year might feel different. And if you are finding this year a bit more challenging, that is okay. In fact, whatever you are feeling about Christmas is okay.
I wanted to take some time to share with you five things that I do to help me navigate this season (and to caveat this with, these work for me so take the ones that you think would work for you, and make changes where helpful)
1. Plan, plan, plan!
Have a rough outline of what your Christmas period will look like; make sure this includes the days before and the days afterwards. Depending on where you are at in your recovery from an eating disorder will determine how much structure you put around. It is really helpful to have some ideas about what the day would look like, but also the wider season. Sometimes those feelings on boxing day can actually feel a little harder. Make sure you have some plans in place to help process, distract yourself and to help ensure you don’t get sucked in to compensating for what you had on Christmas day.
2. Identify your support network
Is there one person that you can be honest with about what is going on? You don’t necessarily need to be with them on the day, but have them on hand if you need to check in and send a quick message. For me having someone that I can offload on to is really helpful, hard, but helpful. I know how it can be really challenging at times to be open and honest with those people around you and I am sure you have your reasons as to why you might be honest and not but have a think about what that support during this season will look like. And do remember if you don’t feel able to talk to someone close to you there are some fantastic support networks out there!
3. Distraction is key!
Have those things in place before and after meals – watching TV, journal, going for a nice walk with someone, playing a board game…!
4. Move on diet chat!
We all have that person that we know who obsesses over diet culture! Have those ideas up your sleeve ready to bring out if helpful; comment on the weather, ask a direct question about what they did last weekend… all of this will help you to move the focus!
5. Keep fighting
It is more often than not that our eating disorders will be screaming at us louder over this festive period. But keep going, stay strong and remember to count those memories you are making!
I don’t know what you are feeling about Christmas, and what is going through your head about the season but keep going, keep talking and remember that sometimes it will feel hard but recovery is so so worth striving for!
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