#ThroughTogether: Our Time, shining a light on the children of parents with mental illness

Over the last decade, Our Time has worked to support thousands of children and young people who have a parent or guardian with a mental illness or mental health difficulty.

They work with in partnership with educators, health professionals and local authorities to set up community workshops with local leadership to help these young people gain greater understanding and build their resilience to enable them to meet the challenges they face.

The organisation currently runs eight KidsTime workshop projects in London, where they see the impact that poverty, inadequate housing and insecure employment can have on parents’ mental health, and the impact of that stress on their children’s ability to survive and thrive.

Chief Executive Dympna Cunnane described the impact of these challenges on a family’s ability to access help:

“In these difficult circumstances, a family’s ability to find help is often limited. They can feel scared of social services for fear that the children will be taken away, for example, so will not reach out. They tend not to access the services that exist for them.

“We aim to work with the families to help them reduce the stress and increase the support because that is where we can have an impact. We know that can help these families to survive and thrive despite the adversity that they face. We work with them to build on their strengths and identify their existing networks to create a support system. For children, we are often helping them to find ways to develop their own support system and so avoid social isolation.”

“The best thing is that I can trust people and feel safe.” –  Child workshop participant

It is estimated that one in ten children have a parent with severe mental illness – that’s three in every classroom. Our Time talks of these children as invisible, due to stigma, lack of data and general lack of awareness of how their situation may be impacting their attainment or attendance at school.

Dympna explains; “These children feel that there is reluctance on the part of adults around the children to talk to them. They also feel the need to hide themselves, for fear of being judged and labelled or being responsible for breaking up the family if they speak about their difficulties at home. The impact of having to cope alone is lifelong and very significant, including on their own mental health.

“There are consequences throughout their lifetime from social anxiety and self-esteem issues through to difficulty trusting others.”

Our Time delivers its workshops to families and children using a licence model, where established organisations working with families (such as local authorities, NHS bodies or charities) can access the resources and training they need to run a KidsTime workshop. This enhances the support offered by those organisations, allowing them to provide ongoing support to young people and families in their area.

Conny Kerman is Systemic Family Psychotherapist Lead in Barnet CAMHS; “The partnership [with Our Time] has been running for five years now and works very well. Our Time is very well organised and managed, and supports us a lot, bringing in-depth knowledge, resources, literature, and session plans. It has also helped us negotiate funding and write bids. For the families involved, the workshops are very important. One mum told me it was the only time she saw anyone outside her family.”

Our Time also runs short courses for professionals working with children, from school leaders to healthcare professionals like GPs and psychiatrists.

“Being involved in the KidsTime Workshop has given us a great support system while meeting others in similar situations. While enjoying group activities with other families, we get to discuss things that affect our lives and share a safe space. We are reminded that we are not alone in our struggles. It has been a great way to connect with others since moving to London with my son.” – Parent workshop participant

Dympna and her team are determined to open more routes for professionals to learn more about supporting this underserved cohort of children.

“Improving data collection is a high priority for us. We can’t address the challenges these families face without having a robust understanding of who they are.”

Our Time is also working internationally, with countries such as Germany, Spain and Iceland who have specific national campaigns or strategies on this issue. A current project in Iceland is attempting to bridge the enormous gap between leaving inpatient care and returning home to family.

“We know from the Health Ombudsman here that there is a problem with patients discharged into the community without consultation with family. Often, children do not even know where their parent has been.”

The Our Time website has more information on how to access courses and training for professionals in contact with children and families. And to Dympna and her team, there are some very simple things we can all do every day to support children with this need:

“Small things make such a difference. People often say that so many opportunities to offer support are missed because everyone thinks it’s not their business, somebody else will do it or they simply don’t have time to address the issues or capacity to follow up if they do identify an issue.

“With schools for example, the staff could offer some easy, low touch support by logging these children and cutting them some slack if they are late or don’t have homework completed on time. Children tell us that they want someone to notice and care.”

“I really look forward to the workshops, as I know the children, in particular, really enjoy the sessions. One child describes KidsTime as his “best place” to be and he wishes it was every day. I have watched children grow in confidence from session to session and watch them have fun and just “letting go”, despite difficult home challenges. For parents, I enjoy seeing them build support networks, friendships and a sense of community. They look forward to seeing each other each session and have built relationships outside of the workshops. They have increased their confidence as parents, and realise now that they are doing their best, especially attending the workshops. I have even seen two parents build a friendship, (one in which they can even trave to the workshop together and are observed laughing in interactions with each other), who had previously had a lot of friction, tension and animosity prior to the workshops.” – Gabrielle Pelter, Coordinator, Ealing

“As families come for more sessions, we are able to see them relax and come out of their shells a little bit. Even one parent who feels very anxious about being out in public returns each month, as she can see how helpful it is for her son, but also for herself afterwards, when she gets back home. We have watched friendships develop between children and parents and the sharing of resources within the area. It is hard at times to fit the preparation in alongside a full-time job but the juggle beforehand is worth it to see the impact of sessions on the families who come.” – Sarah Vohmann, Mental Health Lead, Westminster